It never ceases to sadden me how those who have shaped our past never seem to allow us to move into the future. Even those who are now moved out of our lives, if they’ve left their mark, sometimes make it hard to focus on what lies before us now.
For so long now I’ve thought that this is not how it’s meant to be; we are not meant to share so much of ourselves with people who were never meant to possess us, and, when we find ourselves experiencing these emotions, we have ourselves to blame.
To some extent that’s true—we ought to be careful with who we entrust our hearts to. However, I think it inevitable to lose our hearts to friends or lovers we once trusted and idolized only to find out that their time in our lives is but a moment or a blip on our larger timeline. And it’s inevitable that we will find it hard to let go fully long after their time ends and our disappointment is realized.
This is a very real part of our human experience now. But perhaps our reflection on this experience need not be guilt and self-reproach for having trusted people with your heart and loving deeply. Perhaps we ought to think more of this experience and the feelings that result as a symptom of The Fall.
I think it’s true that we weren’t meant for this. We weren’t made to give our hearts to anyone other than God and the one who would become our spouse. And yet—we set our hearts up for failure the moment we made ourselves our own gods and shunned the path He made for us. The heartbreak we are wont to feel is an innate part of our fallen humanity, but it’s a blessing as much as it is a curse. It is a blessing because it points us back to our need for God—a need we forgot when we turned away from His instruction and disavowed our dependence on Him. In our desperate moments of hurt and despair, we are sent running for the arms of the only One who can heal us—the only One who can bind up our wounds and give us a new heart.
While I still lament the days we chose to turn from God and so subjected ourselves to anguish and heartache, I am grateful for the experience, without which I would never quite know how desperately I need my Lord and my God. So don’t be given to regret over past relationships and mistakes. They’re not mistakes in the plan of God if they lead you back into His arms.